On the day before my 29th birthday, I received a text from one of my besties, Samuel. "I'm coming down." It said. "Lemme know what kind of cupcake you want!"
I was excited beyond belief. While watching that trashy The Girls Next Door show (which I love, btw), Bridget Marquardt had confessed on camera that she frequently indulged in the overpriced Sprinkles cupcakes, despite having extraordinary pastry chefs at her fingertips while living in the Playboy Mansion. I was instantly intrigued and after doing a quick google search, I was looking at their cupcake menu and drooling profusely. Doesn't it look pretty? It's even color-coded! Fattening, sugary, and OCD! It just couldn't get any better! See?
http://sprinklescupcakes.com/flavors.html
Back to the birthday celebration. I must admit I did something shameful. What Sam asked me was what kind of cupcake I wanted. Did you notice that "cupcake" was singular? That's right. ONE. I ignored that and instead, I asked for every flavor available. I have no shame. That's right, I asked for twelve. TWELVE!!! Sam, the good friend that he is, did not judge. What a keeper. We sat around the Sprinkles box and tasted each cupcake together simultaneously, right after I had equally divided the cupcakes into fourths. I think all of us were topped off at around the fifth or sixth one, but it was an enjoyable way to end my 28th year of life.
I've never tried drugs or anything of the sort, but trying all those cupcakes that afternoon, sitting across from my husband, Sam, and my three-year old son, surely qualified as substance abuse.
I wish the story ended there.
The next day, my actual birthday, my mom called. She was planning on driving down that morning with the rest of my semi-local family.
"Anything special I can bring you for your birthday?"
"Um...yeeeahhhh...Well, no, I really shouldn't...but I really want it, but I'm supposed to be doing my whole vegan thing right now, but...oh screw it, it's my birthday. Would you mind getting me some cupcakes?"
She drove an hour out of her way to Sprinkles, bless her heart. My grandma, who spoils me frequently, bought me TWO DOZEN. Can you believe that?!? Sam could not believe what a pig I was when I messaged him later that afternoon. Goodness me.
I did share six cupcakes with the kids. Aren't I nice?
And...Believe it or not, I've lost ten pounds since that day!
